Forks

Why are life-altering decisions so difficult? Why is there always pro’s on both sides of the fence. Golden Gooses to the right, doors of opportunity to the left, and we seemingly always find our self stuck in the middle. A friend told me “They are what make life interesting.” Clever terminology to masquerade the mind wrenching, heart wracking and inner soul excavation that is constantly required to make sure we are on course, or at least, convince ourselves that we are.

My cousin walked down the aisle of his first marriage to the Cure’s “Should I stay or should I go?” – ultimately, he went – but the title is consistently proving itself appropriate for my current scenarios across the Australian Continent. On one side I have adventure, youth, inhibition and absolute freedom and personal independence. On the other, I have the love of family & friends, the access to hobbies and interests, which are non existent here, a strong network of support and pleasure from those close to me and much broader and applicable career opportunities.  And the line separating these two paths, only an umpteen thousand-mile body of water we affectionately refer to as the Pacific.

There are no exports in these choices, nothing you can take with you apart from the experiences and the memories. There is no cake and eating it to in this hypothetical café of life. Whichever way I go, I win, but in multiple ways I also lose. I feel like a politician, wanting so hard to make peace and amends with everyone, appease all those I care for, and satisfy all urges, but alas, such is life! Someone, or something always must be sacrificed, the constant opportunity costs of existence forfeited in the idealistic pursuit of happiness. Albeit if it is only in a majority more akin to America’s current political divide.

I have a habit of seeking advice and consult wherever applicable. I take what those close to me have to say very seriously, maybe too much. And what I’ve found from constant opinion mining is that eventually you step back and realize, everyone’s is different, and only one, at the center, really stands out as the one you must employ. Your own. Friends in America would “Kill” to be in my position in Australia, friends in Australia “drool” over the prospects of living in the states and having access to the lifestyle, which I take for, granted, much as we all do eventually. Every story in life has two sides, multiple viewpoints and different angles from which to approach and yet ultimately, it is always the author him or herself who makes the say on which way the tale winds.

Restlessness is a constantly occurring hindrance in my life. Not only does the grass continuously seem a shade greener beyond the fence, but also from my pasture, in today’s increasingly accessible world, I can see hundreds of potential destinations. Do I really have to pick just one? I seriously hope not.

I’ve read many texts, articles, watched videos, attended lectures, and consulted countless friends and acquaintances and amongst them all there truly only exists one common denominator of decision making. It’s not the mind. It’s deep inside each of us and as long as we breathe, it pulls the strings of our emotions, sways our thoughts, our decisions and when it doesn’t get what it wants, what you want, It makes little qualms in disrupting the status quo.  Use the heart to find peace, fulfillment and fun, then employ the mind to make the most of the “pasture” you settle in.

Furthermore, we will never know unless we try. I have long exercised this mantra in many aspects, from travel to sport, from love to heartbreak, we must put ourselves through the strainer, no matter how intimidating, risk littered, or uncertain the outcome may be. Like many mid twenties adults, particularly in today’s far from welcoming economic climate, we must employ such a strategy to hopefully find our selective “callings”.  With job security a relic of the past, and the concept of Employability – maintain and increasing your value as an asset to the company – now dictating the global workplace, many like myself struggle to settle in. But with each new experience, and thought, I am beginning to believe the term “settle” may warrant excommunication from my vocabulary.  

Live for the moment, we hear. Treat each day as if it is your last. Life is lived in the now. The cliché’s and mantras surrounding the philosophy can stretch across continents. Yet, every day, we find them so hard to follow, to implement, to invest faith in and tell ourselves, reassuringly that yes, everything will workout. That we will be ok at the end of the day. I struggle with this as much as the next person. Some might argue that my visions & expectations are too lofty for right now, that I can’t expect to attain such items without scrapping together a living on the ground floor first. And while this is true, I see life as a city, one with many tall towers. Although I have stepped in many and looked around, admired those inside, those entering and leaving, I still have not found the one in which I want to climb. But I will, and we all will. We can only hope to recognize it when we do enter.

Our paths and plans can never appear as clear, feel as right, or been seen as advantageously except through our own eyes, via our own hearts. The decisions we must subject ourselves to, the sacrifices we must fling into the fire and the hardships of dealing with such decisions while maintaining faith that they were in the right is a process that shows no mercy or reprieve on the human spirit. But the lens through which we see this process can be corrected, focused and filtered to develop a sense of appreciation for it. For these processes and deliberations are what make our scripts, and forge our frontiers. Each of us is different, and there is but one thing within all of us that we should consult and listen to in every time of thought or reservation. And when you really think about it, without such forks, could life really be as interesting? Nope.