Wake up call

Everyone has heard of the timeless phrase " Be thankful for what you have, for you will not have it forever." I have countless times and in infinite ways. For most, including myself, it remains just that, a phrase. Yet every so often, an event happens that reaffirms this simple notion, enough for one, to stop, pause and really take a personal inventory of the privileges and benefits we are fortunate enough to receive. In this particular instance, this occurrence was Friday, and involved my grandmother, Caroline. 

My grandmother has been a rock in my life. Her mood is forever bright, her smile simply constant. She brings positivity, support and strength to every single member of her family, and countless others who have the chance and privilege to know her. She has supported me emotionally, mentally, financially and a myriad of other ways throughout my life. In return she asks for nothing and to that I offer my love. She is 87 years old, and until Friday successfully lived alone, in decent health in a beautiful coastline condominium in Redondo Beach, about one mile from the house I grew up in. On Friday, she experienced severe heart palpitations resulting from a blood clot in her left leg. Consequently she immediately underwent a emergency angioplasty which was successful, and now is resting on a steady diet of blood thinning medications and recovery medicines at home with her three daughters, one of whom is my mother. 

Age happens to everyone. It is an accepted law of the land. No one denies its existence, nor claims to be immune from its effects. Yet, like so many things in this world, until it directly affects ourselves, do we truly feel the emotional symptoms and appreciate its power. I have watched my grandmother age, her movement decline, her words shorten and her way of living become more simplified.  All the signs are provided, as in every instance, with every human being. But it just has not registered to me until now, the severity of her health digression. I guess I blame a false hope, one that I foster. A hope that obediently lies to me and tells me that she WILL always be there, that she WILL always be the same grandmother and always be just a few coastal blocks away from home. It's easier that way I guess. At least, that's what I want. Unfortunately, as we all ultimately learn, age and health rarely grant wants, at least in the long run. 

My grandmother will need supervised care for the rest of her life. She is most likely moving to Arkansas to live near her two eldest daughters in a beautiful lakeside residence. No longer will I be able to see her on a whim, and for that I would be dishonest if I said I was not a little regretful. Did I spend enough time with her while she lived so close to me? Did I establish and nurture a strong enough relationship while it was so easy? No, I did not. But in lieu of regretting I intend fully to commit more time and personal resources to maintaining and growing a relationship with my grandmother while age allows. Nothing will change the past, yet the past if utilized and studied correctly can have exponential effects on the way we live the present and plan for the future. 

Yesterday I stated a few professional related goals I plan to implement. Todays focus will be a personal goal. To revitalize, foster and grow relationships with those who have shown and given me the most in life. My parents, my sister, my grandmother and grandfather, aunts, cousins and all. For in my Grandmothers instance, I will not weigh myself down with regret on the past, and rather inspire my efforts towards the future in further building and maintaining quality, loving, understanding relationships with those who have shown me the finest feelings life has to offer. Because despite our most disguised false hopes, there are some natural facts that will always exist. We can embrace them, or we can not.